![\"\"](\"http:\/\/smugscout.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/IMG_5943.jpg\" "\\"Earth")
<\/a>\u00a0She suggests you bring your Smug parents to Nahcotta, which is a Smug local arts, crafts and sustainable products store in Portsmouth, NH. There is a whole section devoted\u00a0to shoppers in your demographic, so you will have no trouble spending your Smug parents’ money on superior products. Smug Scout recommends Earth Friendly Creatures, which are small, simple, barely identifiable\u00a0stuffed animals that cost around $16.\u00a0 Use the below\u00a0tips to negotiate with your parents (who may not want to pay so much on something they like to believe they could easily craft themselves–if only they could just finish that\u00a0nasty\u00a0organic vegetable\u00a0canning project).<\/p>\n- \n
- Made by underpaid, uninsured\u00a0artistic adults in Massachusetts, rather than\u00a0underpaid, uninsured, non-artistic\u00a0children in China<\/li>\n
- Body is made\u00a0of\u00a0locally milled “EcoSpun”\u00a0recycled materials from Massachusetts, rather than toxic materials from China<\/li>\n
- Eyes and noses\u00a0are made from recycled bottles from Massachusetts drinkers rather than recycled bottles from\u00a0California drinkers that\u00a0arrived in\u00a0China via container ship<\/li>\n
- Tag is tied on with a\u00a0chopped off shoelace from Massachusetts rather than a plastic tie from China
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/smugscout.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/IMG_5944-300x225.jpg\" "\\"Earth")
<\/a><\/li>\n- Only available at Smug arts and crafts stores in New England rather than anywhere else in the world, including China<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Warning: if your parents are the type of New Hampshire residents to say “Mass-holes,” please replace “Massachusetts” with “local New England artisans.” Otherwise they could refuse the purchase on nonsensical geographic grounds, no matter how often you point out that Massachusetts is more local than China.<\/p>\n
Tip: if you do not live in New England, please tell your parents to schedule a vacation there immediately. Choose Portsmouth, NH, or Portland, ME.\u00a0Smug parents will just love it!\u00a0 There is reclaimable\u00a0wood everywhere, and you’ll notice that some of it is still in\u00a0an exotic\u00a0form known as trees.\u00a0 In fact, tell them that reclaimed wood is\u00a0so popular that Smug restaurants are even named after\u00a0prized varieties of it,\u00a0such as a legendary establishment known as the Black Birch Kitchen\u00a0& Drinks.\u00a0Point out there are cocktails made with macerated local\u00a0black birch\u00a0tree bark. No\u00a0one would dream you made that up.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Final note: If your negotiations fail, try telling your parents that if they will not buy you an Earth Friendly Creature, you will embarrass them by lying down and playing dead in front of the next corporate chain you see.\u00a0 Pick Starbucks, for example. Your parents will be mortified to be stopped and spotted\u00a0near dangerously multi-source mongrel\u00a0coffee.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Though Smug Scout prefers Smug grown-up company, she\u00a0knows there are many\u00a0Smug children under five\u00a0(such as the ones who congregate in boisterous\u00a0packs at the Portsmouth FM)\u00a0whom she recognizes as future Smug scouts in miniature form. Smug Scout recognizes that they\u00a0possess\u00a0certain abilities … Continue reading
- Only available at Smug arts and crafts stores in New England rather than anywhere else in the world, including China<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n