You know an object is Smug when you see reclaimed wood, but you do not have a clue why someone would want it or what the fuck it even is. These look like chairs to your perplexed Smug Scout. They look like ugly and uncomfortable chairs. They look like lamely shaped chairs that would only feel at home in a room filled with antlers and pretentiously arranged “exotic” tchotchkes. But before you even go into that, you may ask how the Smug Scout knows the wood is reclaimed. She knows because she saw these unsightly creations in San Francisco and is sure she doesn’t have to tell anyone what a Smug Epicenter that is. You can’t even find furniture there that’s made from wood without multiple past lives. It would just be young and obscene and vulgar, like a five year old trailer park beauty queen. She imagines a brief conversation taking place in a room that could have been featured in “Fuck Your Noguchi Coffee Table.”
- Smug Host: Please make yourself comfortable.
- Perplexed Smug Scout: That is just not possible.
- Smug Host: What’s wrong with you? I have beautiful architectural seating crafted by a local driftwood artisan.
- Perplexed Smug Scout: I’d rather sit on your sweaty yoga mat.